Musings of a Mum.
Oops

Forgot to update this. So the week after I lost 6lbs, I lost another 2lbs. Then I plateaued for a week. Expecting it to go skew-wiff next week as I will be using the new digital scales.

Plateau was expected btw as Ali and I went out for an anniversary dinner and I indulged. To be fair, as parents of two smalls, we NEVER go out anymore.

Good start

Since my first weigh-in last Thursday, I’ve lost 6lbs. I am going to weigh myself every Monday, hence the early update, but I forgot to weigh myself yesterday so did it today (Tuesday) instead. Will be sticking to Mondays from now on.

So yes, 6lbs. I’m pleased with that. I haven’t even done much, but I guess I’ve done a lot more than I was doing when I was heavily pregnant and had SPD. Running after two kids is probably helping too.

Let’s hope it continues. :)

And It Begins

This is going to take a wee bit of courage to post, but I said I would, so here goes.

When I weighed myself on Thursday, I weighed 17 stone 4lbs (242lbs).

The only good thing about that is, just before I gave birth, I weighed about 18 stone 8lbs. So I have lost 1 stone 4lbs in four weeks. But most of that was Jack.

Horrifically, that is me now back at pre-pregnancy weight. That is what I weighed when I became pregnant, give or take a pound.

To get to my target weight I have to lose NINETY FIVE POUNDS.

But I am going to do it. I’m bloody determined. I’m going to do it so my kids have a healthy mum, so Ali has a healthy other half. But most of all, I’m going to do it for ME.

Let the fun begin!!

Plans are afoot

Weight loss chart - complete.

Tonight I have started looking at bikes, ready for my new exercise regime (yes, I won’t go heavy immediately after the birth, don’t fret). I used to love cycling and haven’t for at least 5 years. It’s pathetic. Looking forward to getting back on the saddle and exploring the area of an evening while the children are being watched by Mr Bear. I’m going to be getting lights, helmet, reflective clothing too. Birthday on Friday so birthday money will be going towards it - my family will be delighted that I’m actually using the money they give me for something concrete, instead of bills. Which I know are concrete too, but whenever I say that the money will go towards bills, they tell me I’m boring/don’t treat myself. So there’s another resolution - I’m spending money on myself for a change. On exercise stuff. What a rebel.

First Year of University - Done!

Health - A

Social Policy - A

Child Philosophy and Practice - B

Sociology of the Family - B

Psychology of Individuals and Differences - B

Introduction to Psychology - C

I am a Chuffed Bear. Only thing I’m slightly miffed about is my C Grade. I got an A in the mini exam but a D in my essay. I knew when I submitted the essay that it was sub-par. I should have picked another essay question but I was so tired/ill the weekend that I did it, I was just pleased to have written something. This last semester has been tough with pregnancy, illness and Alex, but I still managed to get BBC, which isn’t bad considering. Next year I will set aside more time to study. The C has given me a bit of a kick up the arse so hopefully I will do even better next year. :)

And to everyone who thought I wouldn’t cope with a course & a baby & a pregnancy - BUAHAHAHA.

New-Half-Year-Slash-Post-Pregnancy-Resolutions

I always said that I was going to make my resolutions for the 1st July this year, six months late. Because I like to be different. No, the main reason is that I knew there was no point making solid resolutions, important ones that I intend to keep, when I was a third of the way into what I guessed (correctly) was going to be a difficult pregnancy, whilst also being in my first year of my degree course (which is going okay I think, thanks for asking). 

1st July works for a few reasons. One, it is exactly 6 months late, half way through the year, which I think works out nicely. Two, Baby Bear Number Two should be here by then - he is due on the 19th June, so, presuming everything is ok in the pregnancy but I go overdue, they won’t let me go further than 42 weeks. I will be 42 weeks on the 3rd July, and to be honest I can’t see them leaving me that long, due to Alex having been so big and breech, me being overweight and having had pre-eclampsia last time, and my sodding SPD making a god-awful return this time round. SO. By the 1st July, he should be here, and whilst I doubt I’ll be able to make a start on my more energetic resolutions, I can definitely work towards the ones that don’t involve exercise.

So, here we go - Emma’s New-Half-Year-Slash-Post-Pregnancy-Resolutions.

1. Stop complaining about everything.


Complaining is fine. I have a twitter and a Facebook account, and I’m pretty sure they were both invented for complaining. However, during this pregnancy I have been aware of the volume of my complaints. I’m not saying they’re without reason - I’ve been very ill, suffered dreadfully with pregnancy and had a couple of pretty horrendous fallings out (one that was sorted and one that hasn’t been) - but I know I need to try and look more positively at life in general. This is going to be a big one for me, as my whole life has always been lived in a very pessimistic way, so it’s going to take a lot of effort and probably a few harsh words from those who love me, or want me to shut the hell up.

2. Do my very very best with breastfeeding


I struggled big time with Alex. I managed to express for about a month, and then gave up. I won’t go into the reasons on here but they were mainly physical, not necessarily emotional (although I did get very emotional when I struggled for ages and ages to express and barely got more than an oz of milk). I know now that I could have been given a lot more support by midwives/health visitors and I could have also done more myself to try and continue BFing for longer than I did. I’m more prepared this time round, I’m going to do my utmost… but if I’m still not successful, I won’t beat myself up about it. I am beyond grateful that I was able to provide Alex with at least some BM, I just wish I could have managed for longer.

3. Maintain current success with degree


I’ve struggled this semester with ongoing pregnancy illness and other such things, but my first semester was very successful, and I ended up with AAB for my three modules. I don’t know how well I’ve done overall this year yet, as we won’t get our results til June/July probably, but I have got an A in a multiple choice exam we did that was 30% of one module, and a B in an essay that was 50% of another module, so I’m not doing too badly. Considering I hadn’t had any formal education for 6 years before I started this degree, I was incredibly pleased with myself for managing to work around Alex and pregnancy and I really hope it lasts.

4. Lose. Weight.


This is the big’un. I am 5’7”. My target weight is 10.5 stone. When I was weighed at my 8wk check-up for this pregnancy, I was significantly - and I mean significantly - more than that. I am going to weigh myself 4 weeks after Pip is born, take that as my starting weight, and go from there. I will update on here what that weight is. I am expecting it to be very high, although I know I lost weight at the beginning of my pregnancy due to illnesses, so I don’t think I’ve actually put that much on, if anything at all. I lost all my pregnancy weight with Alex within two months, but again, I was overweight to begin with. I’m not going to go mad with dieting, except cutting out all fizzy drinks, living on water and fruit juice/squash. I don’t drink much tea anyway so I’m not bothered about the odd mug. The main thing is going to be exercise. Depending on how Pip is born, obviously that will be non-existent/gentle to begin with, nice sedate walks etc. Ali is putting together a “training plan” for me - he has maps of a lot of woodland round here, due to his work, and he’s already got ideas of where we can go/what we can do. I’m also *breathes deeply* going to join the gym, and once I’ve recovered from the birth, I’m going to start going once a week, and gradually build it up to three evenings a week by next year. These may sound like baby steps to you, but this is the way I feel I’ll be able to do it. If I rush in, then a.) it won’t be the best thing for me, having just given birth, and b.) I will be more likely to give up.

That’s all my resolutions for now. They will start as earnestly as possible in July. I have my 25th birthday coming up (I’ll probably still be pregnant) so want to enjoy that before worrying about promises I’ve made to myself. Let’s hope I’m successful.

International Women’s Day

I don’t have daughters. I probably won’t have daughters, as my premonition was incorrect and Lumpy is also a boy. If I did, I would hope to instil my own sense of equality with men in them. However, as I have sons, I will teach them to respect women as much as they would respect men. I will teach them that it’s not okay to make sexist remarks, even if they think it’s “just a joke”. It’s not okay to override a woman’s feelings just because she’s a woman. But I will also teach them to stand up for themselves, I will hopefully instil in them a sense of right and wrong, of knowing that they are all equal, as opposed to some being more equal than others. I have been lucky in life that I’ve rarely, if ever, experienced sexism, sexist remarks, anything like that. I have a partner who respects and loves me and doesn’t expect me to do all the housework just because I’m a woman/stay-at-home-mum etc. I know I’m very lucky and that isn’t always the case. Equality is all we want as women. Don’t be scared of us, manly men. We don’t want to take over (like men ruled us for so many hundreds of years). We just want equality. Is that so much to ask?

My Very Odd Family

A wise old owl (who has kids a bit older than Alex) gave me some good advice the other day when I was thinking aloud about how to explain our family situation to Alex. In a year or three he will start asking questions that I’m going to want to answer as truthfully as possible. I want to encourage him yo seek out information so when he starts learning about family set-ups, and comes home from nursery one day saying “Mummy, who is YOUR mummy?” I want to be able to answer him.

Anyway, the advice this friend gave was to answer each question as it comes. Don’t over-complicate anything and only give him the info he requests with each question. Children are relatively accepting, but if something clearly puzzles him then encourage him to ask for explanations.

I want him to know that he has a biological granny, but she will have little to no involvement in his life. I want him to know he has a stepgranny who is… Now how do I explain death? I don’t really want to do the Heaven thing, but will if that’s what is advised as best. It doesn’t have to be religious I suppose, just in a kind of “lives in the clouds” type way. I don’t want him to feel like his biological granny doesn’t love him, so how do I get round that one too? Good grief. I need a lie down.

Random witterings

I have a really strong feeling that this baby is going to be a girl. I am fully aware that on Tuesday (or if not, when bubs arrives) I could be proved completely wrong, but I can’t shake the feeling that this one is a girl. I don’t know why. I want to call it “her” whenever I talk about it. 

I really hope that they can tell me on Tuesday. If they’re positive, and it’s a girl, I can start selling all the more boyish clothes we have that Alex wore when he was younger. A bit of extra petty cash before bubs arrives would be nice.

Cravings

Oh yeah, totally forgot to mention that I’m pregnant again. Because I’m fucking mental, clearly. (for being pregnant again, not for forgetting)

Anyway, after 17 weeks of pregnancy, I’ve just had my first proper craving. Bread, butter and jam. And it was bloody good. I have to be in the mood for jam, as it’s a bit too sweet for me (I’m usually a savoury kinda gal) but I’ve definitely been in a sweet mood since getting pregnant this time round. Which probably isn’t brilliant for me, or for bubs, so I’ve tried to curb it.

Tomorrow I’m flying down to Luton and being picked up by mates and staying with them for a couple of nights, which should be a laff, especially as we’re seeing family members of hers who I’ve met before and she’s having some sort of shindig on Saturday evening too, where I’ll meet more of her friends. I am kinda dreading the time away from Alex though, I must confess. I’m sure once I get a full night’s uninterrupted sleep tomorrow night I’ll feel bloody brilliant though. 

Alex is… just amazing. Seriously. He was a bit ill over the Christmas period, we all were, but since he’s got better he’s suddenly come on in leaps and bounds. He loves practising his standing, he giggles in a kind of maniacal fashion, he can say Hiya, Teddy and Mama and Dada, he understands basic commands and he’s just brightened up my entire life. He’s hilarious too. I’ve never laughed as much with anyone else. And when he cuddles his teddies, or waves to me when I come into his room in the morning, or gives me kisses, I want to melt. He is adorable.